Day 77

I'm not feeling like myself today.
I dont know why, I just dont feel like myself.
or well.. I'm not sure how to explain.. I feel down.
I babysat Cloé all day. she was really sweet today. even ASKED to nap so I was happy.
when I got home I went to get plumes. I love this thing!
then I went in my room. talked to Denis on MSN and then on the phone. I told him I wanted to stop the 365days thing. because I missed too many days already. and because I feel down about photography too. can someone please tell me WHERE my creativity went? it"s been on vacantion way too long I swear! he somehow convinced me not to stop thought. So I took this photo. me, after 10, on the phone with denis. hidding myself from the camera. because today, I'm just so tired of that photo a day crap.

i was feeling so down while on the phone that I somehow started to cry.. lol. I dont think he noticed though.

Day 45 : it's my BIRTHDAY

how come I always feel DOWN the day of my bday?
I feel like that every year and today was no exception :(
first, I had to babysit the girls overnight.
I got to bed late on wednesday, and got up EARLY today. like at 4 !
that is because I cant sleep in my godmom's bed. esp. not when Miss C is sleeping right next to me.
K was supposed to get up at 7 at the lastest.. ' I SWEAR Marie I'll be up'.. hmmm yeah right.. she got up at 7.30 after I called for her 10 times at least. C was ready and K got ready pretty quickly so for once we werent even late !
oh I forgot to say something.. thanks GOD for school.. really.. I prefer to have the girls at school when I slept that little.
I got back at mine and slept :D I slept all morning. watched tv.
then picked the girls up to go to my school for my results.
oh I didnt mention that results day was today did I?
well it was and it sucked even more because I had to take the girls with me. I carried Cloé all the time to be sure she didnt get lost. I was so scared to loose her.
I have like 62% and 2 repech so that's not so bad?
we went back at the girls', ate, and waited for their parents to come back. I swear I was almost as exited as the girls to see their parents back! haha!
and then Denis came at like 10.30 and we watched tv. :)

no photo today.. except for the last hour and half, the day literally sucked. I was in NO mood to take anything. esp. not ME

Day 42

Day 41

Day 40

Day 36

On monday we went for him to play basse. and then we went back at mine. today we went back at his! LOL! and then on wednesday we were supposed to come back at mine but CLoé was sick so I had to pick her up early and then I got back at his at night.
cant remember what we did excactly.. because I'm writing his about 2 months late! oy!

Day 34

My parents are away until next thursday I think.
I went at Denis' today and we took photos outside when it was almost dark. was fun though.

Day 33 : I love you

And I love....

.. when you hug me when I didnt ask you to (happens often.. but not for this photo)
.. when you tell me you love me
.. when I pick you up from school, and you run to come hug me, because you're happy to see me
.. when I arrrive at yours on Saturdays and you come hug me
.. when during the night, when I babysit overnight, you come in your parent's bed to cuddle with me.
.. when you let me take your picture even though I'm annoying you.
.. when you let me dress you up with ANYTHING I want (I DO realise one day you'll hate me for these dress up photos.. but who cares?)
.. when you laugh
.. when you are you

I love you.. all of the time. I love every moment spent with you. even when you're a real monster

Day 32

went for a drink at Liege to celebrate the fact that we have no more exams!
I had to babysit the girls the day after so I got home quite early.

Day 31 :

I had progra, I think I passed it. not sure though.
after that I went to get Denis and we got back at mine.
we went at Maud's for 2 minuts.
went back at mine, and he slept a little (he drank some beers so yeah.. lol)
he met my parents and I dont think I ever saw him so stressed. haha.
watched tv, etc. we did nothing special. :)

Day 30 : studying

I spent all day studying progra.. oy! I just stopped to pick the girls up.. but I leaved earlier than usual. I did nothing at all except for that today. I need to pass Progra.

Day 29 : Progra Sucks.. ha !

I'm studying. taking breaks every now and then to do.. I dont know.. nothing at all really.
i looked at old photos this morning. to give Jack for my parent's wedding anniversary. Was nice to see these :)

Day 28 : Old Times..

Since I cleaned my room a few days ago, I found some things I forgot about a long time ago. this is one of these. this is my first ever camera. digital camera. I remember being so proud when I had it. LOL. I was the first in all my friends to have a digi camera. what i didnt know (and really did not care about) is that the picture quality was crap. I thibnk it's a 2 MP ha!

so slept at denis' went home ate slept studied a little watched tv and that's it. LOL

Day 27 : With you again

Slept at Denis' again today. got there yesterday after dinner for my grandpa's birthday. so I got there at 11. he was waiting for me at the bus stop and I almost didnt see him. we got at his and watched fight plan. I fell asleep, but hey I spent all day yelling at Tom so I was tired. we got up a little before noon but I still was tired. we watched the end of fight plan, then another movie. I slept for some times. his sister came. then we went to the cinema to watch taken. It was nice. we got back at his and then went for a walk. that's about it I guess :)
I slept there again. and now we wont see one another until thursday or friday.

Day 26 : Spent the day with one of my fav ever little boy

But that said boy is such an handful when with cloé. really. ughh
but I was doing that for my grandma, so I didnt really mind. except when her mom told me that she got home at 1.30 and that she picked him up at 5.30. thanks a lot Cindy.... gee.

Day 25 : I hate the external flash

Today I had Logique. I missed it. I think. oh well.
got home at like 1. and did my room. everything that needed to be gone went. so that was tiring to do it.
then I went at my demo. first time I try and look ok in over 3 weeks. so I wanted to have a photo of my whole body. that just would NOT work. so here. this photo. it's better than nothing.
Spent quite some times on the phone with Denis too.

Day 24 : Commu

Not sure if I got it or not..
was planning on waking at 5.. lets just say yeah right. I got up at 6h30 LOL. so I was planning on studying in the morning but that just didnt happen.
After that we went at Dim's and I stayed there until like 3.
Now I'm going to study, but before that I'm trying to catch up on these darn picure of the day posts.

Day 22 : Esthétique

Had my first exam today. missed it. oh well.
Slept at Denis' today. because I have no exams tomorrow.
we took pics, just for fun. I looked like crap. therefor, they turned out like crap.
maybe i'll journal more later, but right now I gotta go.

Day 21 : Guess who was on the phone?

:)

Denis Came last night. he managed not to meet anyone in my family but my aunt. haha. he arrived at 11. and we got up at 10 because he had to study.. (.. I had to study too.. ) and left at.. I cant remember when.. for his exam. I talked a little to my aunt (you know.. for her to tell me what she thought of D) and then went to sleep. studyed all night long, and was on the phone all night long with D. so here. the photo, of me on the phone with D.

Day 20 : cleanning up

we started cleaning my room to put a 2 places bed on there. so I am finding some fun objects I completely forgot about :)
here it is my old jewellery contener... or whatever it's called! lol.
it has a photo of Cindy, and that thing my grandma did with my name on it.
Denis came to sleep today... can you believe that he came.. but met NO ONE from my family? ha! that makes me laugh. every one was in bed already when he came.

Day 19 : =)

I babysat the girls. Cloé is sick, again. So no photo of her and me this week.
After that I went at Denis to pick up something I forgot last time. I ended up sleeping there :) my mom told me NO but then I called and she said ok. So I stayed there. :)

Day 18 : Caramel & Me

Got up late. Denis needed to leave at 7. we got up at 6.55 lol
I got home at 8. slept until 12. did nothing at all really. wathed tv and stuff.
took some pics with the dog, just because :)
that's it for today, see you tomorrow

Day 16 : No Photo Today

Slept until 12. or 13. I'm not 100% sure. lol. And then I had to leave. I really really did not want to though. We arranged for me to go back there that night. I went at Ben's quick. then came back home. leaved to go at Bel Ile. got home. Leaved to go at S.eraing for a drink with Denis, Sam and Dim. Got back at B. to get the girls from school. I was about 2 minutes late and Noemie already called to see what's wrong *eyeroll*
I arrived at their and saw that their dad was already home... lol.. about 5 minutes after their mom got home... I didnt leave before 6 though. After that I called Denis to see if they still were at S.eraing. they still were so I went again. We drank a little and then got back at Dim's.. I drove Sam home and we went with Denis to buy a Quick. Got back at Dim's to say goodbye but he was already upstairs so we went home.
I think that's about it.

Day 15 : With You

I faked studying today too.
Talked for some times on MSN.
Went to the police to do something.
Then went home. showered. went at the Hospital to visit my uncle. Cryed there. =(
Came home. quickly got ready. Stressed out all the way there.... because.. what was I thinking when I told him I'ld come today when his PARENTS are there :S
But I stressed for nothing. they're nice. I was realy shy though.
Then Denis and I went at his sister's. I already met her once before but I was kind of shy there too. because.. duh.. lol.
we got back at his at like midnight and then slept until 3 because we had to drive his parents to the airport.
We got back at his and slept.. I did not really sleep though but it was nice to be there still.

Not sure I got any photo today... I'll check later.

WOW I actually DID have a picture taken in the 3 mins I was home!

Day 14 : Or How To Fake Studying...

I faked studying today. I feel bad.. I really do.. NOT. ha.
My parents got home today. I wanted to go at my grandma's but my uncle (jean) is in the hospital so I didnt go. I was sad when I learned what he had. And when I told him to Denis that night he was like "nice you're laughing". I'm laughing because if I dont laugh I cry.. and I dont like to cry..

So I cant remember what else I did. nothing really.
Denis called that night and asked if I could go at his.. my mom said no.. maybe (just maybe) it had something to do with me asking at 1AM? lol.. who knows.. haha.

I did nothing else. I was happy Denis called that night.

photo to come, someday...

ook
here it is

Day 13 : Like it? Toss it?

So yeah.. yesterday I bought this dress. But I'm not sure I like it. So I took a photo of me to show to some pleople to tell me if I should keep it or not. I'm so bad at making decisions when I'm shopping alone :) well I was not alone but K and C are not a big help lol.
So today, got up at 10. Because Someone called (I'm not gonna write a name here...) and woke us up. Because apparently my photos sucked. yes I knew that. and I really am sorry but I cant do anything about that.. even less at 10 in the morning when I just woke up.
I cleaned up the house, kind of. I still need to do some things but blah. I'm going to watch a movie and sleep. And I'll scrap tonight maybe. tomorrow I'm starting to study for sure. because if I dont I'll never be ready for next week.
And this is short yeah.. but I am tired and dont wanna write here anymore today. plus I realised that I put this address for all my MSN contacts to see and some are family members and well.. I dont need for them to know some of the things I'ld have put here if I was sure of who really was reading this.

Day 12 : Not technically taken by me...

But still.. I took a photo of these photos so it can be considered taken by me right?

So got there at 8. had a hard time getting up because I've not been sleeping well these past days and I stayed on the phone with Denis until 3 or 4. So I was kind of tired.

Their mom had to leave today so that was just me and the girls. They both were awake when I arrived. I'm having kind of a hard time with both these days because for some reasons they both wont listen. that is kind of weird... So I have to yell and of course I feel bad yelling. At 10 I decided to go to Bel Ile to buy a Webcam. As we went out of Carrefour I saw a photomaton and decided to take the girls there and take photo of the 3 of us. 2€ for one photo.. that is crazy. Then we picked pizza for K and went at a store because I saw a dress I liked. I bought it but not sure I'll keep it or not. more of that in tomorrow's post.

After that we went home and ate. then we watched La Belle et La Bete. speaking of that.. while I was sleeping tonight I had a song from this movie 'playing' in my head.. .thanks miss C for watching this movie today... that song is quite annoying when you're trying to sleep. trying being the key word.

Anyways, after the movie I tryed to put her to sleep, problem is that her mom got home then and that she heard her so she wanted to go see her. after half an hour of "I want my mom, marie. please go get my mom marie" she fell asleep. for about 45 mins.. not a lot, but better than nothing.

when she got up we went to see her mom and washed her and my car. then the girls' dad came home and we ate... I cant remember the english name.. une tarte. I was not hungry but ate some anyways. I got home at around 6.

Walked the dog and then went on MSN. Then Denis came to watch some DVDs because I was alone at mine. I guess that's it. :) Hope that makes sense because I'm way tired really so I have a hard time thinking well in english.

Day 11 : Apparently I Cant Look Ok Anymore

I mean.. what's up with me really? Putting some random clothes... hoping they'll go together ok.. not really caring if they dont. Not washing my hair, because I'm just too lazy. make up put badly. oy.

So today...
went at school at 9, then went at the pharmacy. After that I went at Dim's to give Denis the progra book (See Denis.. I can write your whole name.. I'm not ashamed..)

Then Denis and me went back at mine. We watched Sin City. Actually he watched. I slept. but hey I was not feeling well at all so I figured, sleeping is better than crying right? So I slept.

And that's it I guess :)

I'm going to watch it tonight I think. And maybe, just maybe, I'll scrap. And sleep.

Day 10 : I Dont Know

Had this idea yesterday to take a photo of me and the dog. Because yesterday I walked her for an hour, which if you know me, know that it's unusual. but I needed to get away from my mom.

This photo could have been 100 times better, if only I hadnt be crying all morning and didnt have my mind so... I dont know.. unfocused?

So yeah, I cryed all morning. Just because. I made this LO yesterday.

It says SO much about how I feel these days.
at 12 I decided to leave for school. not that I was planning to go to school, but I leaved. because my Mom was getting home soon and I didnt want to see her. mean? maybe. but it's true and I'm only writing this for me so I dont have to please anyone.

So I went at Dim's, in a really bad mood. and I leaved at like 4h30. went at Ben's to give his mom jellewery (never know how to write THAT).

After that I went to the doctor. it's about time.

I told her I think I'm depressive. And we talked. And she said it was not great that I waited that long. I've been feeling bad since I think Jan 07. She gave me some things to take everyday. not really antidepresseurs, because she says she doesnt like to give something that powerful to someone so young. but I've got something that should help me to feel better, to eat better, and to sleep better. and that's good.

She says if I still feel like that in a month I should go to a psychologist because I need to figure out why I'm feeling that way, and change that. or try to improve. But I dont know if I ever will really because I'ld have to pay for it myself and I dont have THAT MUCH money.

My parents dont know though. And they never will. because I wont let them. they think I'm happy? GREAT! I let them think that way. but now I have to pay for everything myself. oh well.

Now I am home and I think I'll turn the computer off and just enjoy watching TV. but first I have to do that progra thing.

Oh and my parents are away until monday. thanks God (you know.. the one I dont believe in? lol) because I dont think could have delt with them really.

ok I am gonna do that thing for tomorrow and then go.
here's today's crappy pic.

Day 9 : Tired

So yesterday, I babysat the girls, and then got home.
a little before 11 I went at Laura's because I was not doing well at all. And really I didnt see her in a LONG time (like to talk and such) and it was good to see her again.
we talked for 1 hour. and then decided to go at D's.. at like 2 AM. oy. I got home at 5. then got up at almost 9. My mom was not happy with me being out so late and kind of yelled.
I showered quick. Did not wash my hair because I didnt want to deal with it. put about 3 times more make up than usual. put my glasses on because I wear them when I'm tired.
I took my photo right before leaving. and hmm.. HOW could I go to school like that? Lol. I'm sharing one where you cant really see my face. you can see my nose well and I hate my nose but oh well.. better than the rest.

Day 8 : C'est TOUJOURS La Meme Chose....

I am SO tired of this...

"i like to pretend that everything's alright. because when everybody else thinks your fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not."
That's SO true.

So today, went to school, then got home, and decided after awhile that I'ld do a self portrait photoshoot. I really like how most of them came out, so I'm posting them here, just because :)


this one I guess is my photo of the day, represents best how I feel.



It started inside...


oops forgot to remove my socks.. the self timer really is a pain in the ass


My eyes are weird here.. but oh well.







The neighbours were watching me as I shot this... LOL. fun times. gee.









A smile.. thought I could have at least one smiling photo.


The focus thing is on purpose, that's why I love it that much I guess.. you cant see me.


This is what I had in mind for my photo today at first... didnt come out as I wanted.. plus I liked the other one better.


Not sure why I like this, i just do.

Day 7 : A Whole Lot Of Nothing

Nothing special today. Wanted to get up at 7h30.. lets just say.. yeah. RIGHT. I got up at 10. LOL
Got my drawing 'homework' done and went to the store to buy something. Got home, talked a little on MSN and went at school. School was boring. we played PICTIONNARY. hmm COME ON. if you dont have anything for us to do just let us go.
that's it. Maybe later I'll add a photo of me smiling here, but right now I cant edit it right so that'll have to wait.



ok here's that smiling photo. I'm gonna be honnest and say that I hate it. I hate the way it's edited but I dont think I could edit it right to save my life, so I'm just giving up

Day 6 : hmmmmmmmmm Vin Blanc & Violette !

Went at D to explain Progra today. Stayed there for like 3 hours I think.

Then went home and slept for 2 good hours, and then got ready for the ZlaMoBodIac outting. lol. we drank that thing with vin blanc & violette. and that is so good. I'm so loving it :)

went to the restaurant, then got home. I was SOO tired still. didnt get to my bed until 00h still. ugh.

that's it for today. :)

Hate that the pic is kind of blurry though.. I wanted the focus on the glass, I got the focus on nothing. LOL

Day 5 : Miss Cloé 'n Me

I hardly slept last night because I went at Liege with some friends from school so I was so out of everything. Of course Miss C decided to test my patience that day.. sight.
I slept with her too :D

then we went at her school for parents day. And then I went at my "demo". got home at 00h. today was a hard day. oy.

Day 4 : FATE...

that is Fate. enough for today, see you tomorrow.

Day 3 : I Hate The Rain

So, first things first. I got it BAAAAAAAAAACK !! =D
Actually I'm getting it back tomorrow, but still.

My dad called at 9h30 to tell me. nice. lol. but I wanted and needed to know really so I did not mind at all :)
I still was sleeping then though but since I was awake I got up.
I checked emails and did all sort of dumb things. and then I walked the dog. what an interresting life. LOL

then I went to school. almost missed the bus, so I ran all the way there. yeah.. I know.. running and me dont go that well together.

After school I went at Dim's to see if we were going for a drink or not after all. We didnt so I stayed 5 minutes and then went away.

I missed the darn bus by 2 SECONDS. it was raining a little so I tell myself.. not so bad, I'll just wait 15 minutes. right? WRONG! it started raining REALLY hard.. within SECONDS I was all wet, so I ran back at Dim's. LOL.
They had a good laugh because of me I think.
I called my grandpa and he picked me up there. now that was not an easy thing either. :)
he didnt know where I was or where my school was exactly. I went at my school, didnt see him, though maybe he's on the other side, went there and still no grandpa, so I came back (after 3 phone calls) and finally found him. by the time (at least 10-15 minutes) it was starting to rain again so I ran (AGAIN) when I saw him. because the pull Dim gave me wasnt wet, and I wanted it to stay that way.

So yeah. I ran WAY.TOO.MUCH today. SOOO... my legs will hurt tomorrow :) they already hurt today actually.. And dont laugh!

Day 2 : One Year...

It would have been one year, today.
I remember that day so well.
so lets go back, a year ago today.
I got it, after a missed attempt.
Then he called. because I was not there that morning, the one morning he came. lol.
After that I went to school in the afternoon, for my drawing class.
it was a monday btw. I just was SO happy. because finally i had it.

But today, I dont have it anymore. And maybe it wont come back. And I've cryed for a whole week already because of that. And something else too. but mostly that.
I am so tired of crying, and being sad. and make it as if it wasnt a big deal. because it IS a big deal. for me at least. I've cryed EVERY TIME I told it to someone. thankfully I did not have to tell a lot of people.

Day 1 : Not a Good Day

I dont really want to start about telling how the day sucked. just some highlights of my wonderful day :

• Took the BUS to get home today. at 10h30. really how come there's so much people in there at that time ?? I hate taking the bus I really do hate it. even more so after having a car for 1+ year.


• Talked to someone and was wanting for that Someone to react. I wanted a reaction and I got nothing. So I'm just giving up.


• Slept for 2 hours because crying just wasnt making the cut this time. plus I really was tired.


• Watched tv all day long. that was boring.


• my mom got home and told me that something I was HOPING to get back today isnt there yet. hmm HELLO? WHO are they kidding? REALLY? so I'm taking the bus to get to school and come from school tommorrow too. did I mention how much I am hating that darn bus?

that's all I'm sharing here. I am hoping to stick with the photo a day this year. because I really want to do it this time. unlike last year.