Day 10 : I Dont Know

Had this idea yesterday to take a photo of me and the dog. Because yesterday I walked her for an hour, which if you know me, know that it's unusual. but I needed to get away from my mom.

This photo could have been 100 times better, if only I hadnt be crying all morning and didnt have my mind so... I dont know.. unfocused?

So yeah, I cryed all morning. Just because. I made this LO yesterday.

It says SO much about how I feel these days.
at 12 I decided to leave for school. not that I was planning to go to school, but I leaved. because my Mom was getting home soon and I didnt want to see her. mean? maybe. but it's true and I'm only writing this for me so I dont have to please anyone.

So I went at Dim's, in a really bad mood. and I leaved at like 4h30. went at Ben's to give his mom jellewery (never know how to write THAT).

After that I went to the doctor. it's about time.

I told her I think I'm depressive. And we talked. And she said it was not great that I waited that long. I've been feeling bad since I think Jan 07. She gave me some things to take everyday. not really antidepresseurs, because she says she doesnt like to give something that powerful to someone so young. but I've got something that should help me to feel better, to eat better, and to sleep better. and that's good.

She says if I still feel like that in a month I should go to a psychologist because I need to figure out why I'm feeling that way, and change that. or try to improve. But I dont know if I ever will really because I'ld have to pay for it myself and I dont have THAT MUCH money.

My parents dont know though. And they never will. because I wont let them. they think I'm happy? GREAT! I let them think that way. but now I have to pay for everything myself. oh well.

Now I am home and I think I'll turn the computer off and just enjoy watching TV. but first I have to do that progra thing.

Oh and my parents are away until monday. thanks God (you know.. the one I dont believe in? lol) because I dont think could have delt with them really.

ok I am gonna do that thing for tomorrow and then go.
here's today's crappy pic.